For Example: The client is a 31-year-old professional woman called Emily working in Project Management.

Emily’s Presenting Issues: Despite having experience in doing her role well and achieving positive feedback in her performance reviews and from her clients, Emily can often feel Anxious about her job performance – doubting her ability – and having what she can judge as ‘paranoid’ thoughts about other people’s negative feelings about her.  She can struggle with making decisions in all areas of her life – depending on the judgement and opinions of others and doubting herself. She can often fear being seen as unworthy, unpopular, disliked, and disapproved of.

Background: Emily grew up in a household with elevated expectations from her parents. All her family members were high achievers and from an early age Emily felt an expectation and pressure to achieve high grades in her academic studies and in her Career progression. Her father and older brothers were all successful in their business and professional lives and her mother was a perfectionist in all areas.

Emily felt very aware growing up what pleased her parents and experienced what she perceived as their disappointment and disdain when she did not live up to those expectations. She often sought approval and validation from her parents, (and later on others’) which led to her developing a critical inner voice, highly perfectionistic parts, and a deep insecurity about her sense of herself in relation to others and her achievements.

Emily felt this insecure side of her was split off and hidden, with other people tending to see her as confident, self-assured, and go-getting. Emily felt plagued by a sense of inadequacy and worthlessness with low self-confidence, and she came into therapy to try to “get rid” of these parts of herself that she felt deeply ashamed about.

Therapeutic Goals:

  1. To understand and identify the internal parts contributing to Emily’s feelings of Anxiety and insecurity and the Shame she felt about herself at the core.
  2. To foster self-compassion and create a more balanced internal narrative when she was feeling those inner critical and anxious feelings.
  3. To enhance Emily’s capacity to make and trust herself in her decision-making skills by recognising and being able to soothe her internal (critical, anxious, shameful) parts.

IFS Healing Journey: During the therapy sessions Emily was able to differentiate between the different feelings and experiences of her various parts.

Key parts identified included – (Mangers, Exiles and Firefighter Parts):  Each part has their job to do in Emily’s system. Over the course of therapy Emily gets to ‘meet’ and get to know each part; how they came into being and what job role each part tries to do for Emily to try to protect her from the experiences of failure, disapproval or in being a disappointment to others or herself (and  therefore from feeling Shame and Unworthiness).

  1. The Inner Critic: A harsh voice that berates Emily for not achieving enough or making mistakes (sounds like a mix of parent’s messages – father more verbally critical/ mother colder and more distant). Preoccupied with how others are seeing her.
  2. The Perfectionist: A part that pushes her to strive for unattainable standards, leading to burnout but has to keep pushing herself to avoid being seen as inadequate (taking her to shame)
  3. The Anxious part: That keeps Emily preoccupied with not being seen to be lacking, disapproved of or disliked. This Anxiety keeps Emily hyper-vigilant and, ‘on the case’ whilst paradoxically keeping her out of forming and cultivating real relationships, friendships and connections in her life.
  4. The Child Parts (Exiles) The more young and vulnerable parts of Emily that hold the memories of different childhood experiences and the beliefs (burdens) she took on from those times and messages received.  The inner child parts of Emily that felt unacceptable and neglected and that long for acceptance and love.
  5. The Protector Parts: In the therapy Emily learns about her defences both proactive Manager parts and more reactive Firefighter parts that try to prevent or uphold standards so stop Emily from taking risks, rooted in fear of failure and shame.

Therapeutic Process:

  1. Forming a relationship and bond with the therapist to build Trust:  Here Emily can go at her own pace over time to establish a trusting relationship with her therapist to help her have a safe space to explore her parts without judgment. This is crucial for fostering a sense of safety.
  2. Identifying Parts: Through different exercises Emily and the therapist begin to map and visualise her different internal parts. She is able to identify memories of how these various parts came into being, being able to witness and articulate these parts, giving them in some cases different names and characteristics, which helps her detach from their influence. Emily was able to identify the narratives of these various parts and was then able to unblend from them taking over Emily’s system.
  3. Engaging with Parts and Self Energy: The therapist can facilitate dialogues between Emily and her various parts; even when there were parts of Emily on opposing sides where she might have felt stuck between two parts or even a team of Parts.  For example, the parts of Emily that want her to stop working and go out with her friends but those driven parts of Emily that say she needs to stay home and work late to fulfil her Perfectionistic Manager part.
  4. Communicating between Self and Parts: Emily was able when communicating from a more Centred and steady part of herself (Self energy) with her Inner Critic to ask it what it needed and what that part of her was trying to do for her when it critised her. This conversation revealed that her Critical and Perfectionist parts stemmed from her Parents expectations of her and those parts believed they were protecting her from being a disappointment and therefore feeling the emotional experiences of shame of inadequacy.
  5. Cultivating Self-Compassion: In therapy Emily learned to increasingly enter into a more Self to Part dialogue to help her connect with her inner qualities such as Calmness, Curiosity, and Compassion. Emily learned to respond to her inner Critic, Perfectionist and Anxious Parts with kindness, recognising their roles as Protectors rather than adversaries in her system.
  6. Integration and Decision-Making: As Emily became more familiar with her internal dynamics and her various Parts, she started involving her internal parts in a more integrated choiceful decision-making process. She learned to consult the fears of her Protector Parts that were informing her of their areas of concern or caution whilst brokering a deal with the other parts of her that wanted to play and feel more spontaneity and freedom in her life.

Outcomes: Over several months of therapy, Emily reported feeling more confidence and grounded overall with the following specific improvements:

  • Reduced anxiety levels and increased self-acceptance.
  • Enhanced decision-making abilities, feeling more confident in her choices.
  • A deeper understanding of her motivations and behaviours, enhanced self-awareness leading to improved relationships both at work and personally.

This case illustrates the effectiveness of the Internal Family Systems model in helping clients understand and harmonize their internal landscape. By fostering communication between parts and cultivating Self-leadership, Emily was able to navigate her challenges with more insight, greater ease, and self-compassion.